This month’s Masturbation Diary comes from Emelie, who’s currently riding the waves of new relationship energy. She reflects on how hormone shifts, from stress-fueled cortisol spikes to cycle-driven libido changes, shape her desire. For Emelie, horniness doesn’t always equal pleasure; at times, orgasm feels like a chore rather than a full-bodied experience. But her story also reveals how the right spark can reignite solo sessions with joy and ease.
Living situation: Sweden. Living solo with plenty of plant babies 🪴
Relationship status: Dating exclusively.
Pronouns: She/her.
What sexual orientation best fits you right now? Demisexual, bisexual.
How many sex toys do you own? Seven including The Ballerina (my best friend!), The Surfer, The Millionaire, and The Fireman (older versions of Smile Makers Collection vibrators).
Do you ever use lube during masturbation? Sometimes.
What do you call masturbation? I usually refer to it as “taking care of my needs” ☺️
How would you describe your libido at the moment? Very high due to dating someone new and exciting.
Growing up, what kind of convos did you have about sex? Very few conversations. I can’t recall a single one actually.
At what age do you first remember masturbating? 21. I thought I was asexual until then as I was on medication since I was a kid that completely killed my libido. I truly thought I couldn’t feel anything sexual at all.
Emelie's masturbation diary.
Week one.
I was very stressed and could barely feel any feelings other than that - stress. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind.
Week two.
Similar to week one I was very stressed and couldn’t bring myself to even think about touching myself. However, as I approached my period it picked back up. The latter half of the week I had very brief sessions nightly before going to bed.
Week three.
I’m typically more turned on during my period and this week was no exception. My nightly sessions were longer and very goal oriented (aka aiming for orgasm) but felt more like a chore to deal with my horniness than anything else. Only felt pleasure once I came.
Week four.
This is where things got interesting… I started dating someone new and my libido went into overdrive. I’m talking soaking multiple panties a day just from thinking about this person. My sessions became much more enjoyable throughout and less goal oriented. The best kind of solo sex if you ask me.
One of the biggest myths we can let go of during solo sex is the pressure to always reach orgasm. Yes, we’re all for closing the orgasm gap, everyone deserves more orgasms, but pleasure doesn’t have to be goal-oriented. Masturbation is still meaningful and satisfying even without a climax. It’s about connecting with yourself, tuning into what feels good, and making space for play and presence. In fact, we often enjoy it more when we stop chasing the finish line. As cheesy as it sounds, it really is about the journey, not just the destination.
Masturbation diaries by the Smile Make Collection community are here to discuss what we rarely discuss... how we masturbate! We hope to inspire and prove that every one of us is writing our very own sexual story. We also adore that it's a great time to reflect on our monthly pleasure and note how it impacts our wellness.
Want to share yours? Let us know what a month of masturbating (or not!) looked like for you, and if we feature yours, we'll send you Smile Makers' goodie as a token of our appreciation for inspiring us all.
